I wish you could order shots online.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
