ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
