he puts the penis in happiness.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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