Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
