just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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