You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
