I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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