I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
