the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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