i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i came on her dog
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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