Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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