somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
