I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
