sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
