i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
