Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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