It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
