he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
