Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
