i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
