Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
