Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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