is your mom at the bar?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
