I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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