you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
