I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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