So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
