help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
