This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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