I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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