so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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