i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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