i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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