But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
