The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
