i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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