some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
