my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
