I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
