Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
