wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
