chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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