this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
