Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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