i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
