im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
