I just saw a hot homeless man
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
