still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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