You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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