the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
