Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
