You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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