Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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