I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
